chronic illness, life, Partners/Caregivers, Quotes

The Ones Who Stay

Amanda, walkamyelinmyshoes

Wedding, love, commitment, relationships

They gave each other a smile with a future in it. –Dream a Little Dream (1989)

Many say the words, then real life begins. Money-Children-Family-Work-Sex-Hormones-Communication-Health. So much joy, so much stress. How to keep the train on the tracks?

Relationships are difficult at the best of times. When chronic illness invades that relationship, whether through one of the partners, a child or another family member, the pressure of the everyday realities of chronic illness creates a potential power imbalance that not all partnerships are able to withstand.

One of my very first posts, Shoutout to Partners, was not planned until I read the plethora of Facebook posts about chronically ill people being abused or abandoned by their partners. Helplessness, resentment, financial burdens and sadly disbelief, seem to be the primary reasons partners flee.

So what about the ones who stay? The ones who are there to pick up the slack when you hit the wall and have to get horizontal? They are special humans, those ones. They may not always know exactly the right thing to say or the right thing to do, but they’re there. They stay.

In sickness and in health. Whether you did the official thing or not, when you decide to share your journey with someone, commit to riding life’s rollercoaster together, that’s sort of a given. The problem is, most people don’t think about chronic illness until they’re drowning in it. And there are some who will push you out of the lifeboat to save themselves.

If you’re chronically ill and are lucky enough to have your person, even if that’s a friend not a life partner, remember that they’re on this journey with you. As much as we need support to stay sane when feeling like crap day in and day out, we need to be cognizant and appreciative of the experience of our partners. Hug your partner/friend/support person today!

Chronic illness can be terribly isolating. For those that live alone or have been abandoned by or left toxic relationships, even more so. For those people, I encourage you not to give up hope. Not everyone is strong enough to handle chronic illness if they have a choice, but they are out there. Don’t give up hope.

In the meantime, I’m always here. If you need someone, please reach out.

Have a wonderful week!

❤️ Amanda

If you want to see a great but obscure 80s movie, I highly recommend Dream A Little Dream, starring the infamous Coreys and the wonderful Jason Robards. My brother and I were obsessed with this movie when we lived together one summer during university. Here’s the trailer:

Published by Amanda, walkamyelinmyshoes

ms warrior, gardener, writer?, daydreamer, beach comber, kitchen dancer, lucky Mama, happy wife

26 thoughts on “The Ones Who Stay”

  3. maybe because I had been the care..er (caregiver) for so many relationships in my life, I learned a long time ago to appreciate and relay that appreciation when someone steps up. I think more people should realize this..great post!

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      1. I meant to put a link to your page on mine for this post, and thought I could do it by clicking reblog…now it shows up on my page but that it’s written by you….had I known that I would have asked first….is this ok?

        Liked by 2 people

      3. What you wrote needs to be said much more often. I did finally write a post about when I was a non thanked care person, and I put a link to your page in there too. Thank you so much for sharing this

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Great reminder from Walk a Myelin* My Shoes – MS Graceful…NOT!

  7. The “In sickness and health” thing truly gets put to the test with chronic illness. I was “lucky’ (I guess?!) that I was diagnosed before my (current) marriage, because I was able to tell my now-husband up front everything I went through,and what to expect. In fact, he read my entire personal blog about my illness, from the very first post, and made notes along the way and asked questions when he didn’t understand something or wanted to talk about something. Of course, living with my illness is easier said than done (for both of us!) but I am very grateful that I had the advantage of being able to discuss it from the start. I think it’s definitely helped us get through some of the worst.

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    1. I’m happy for you that you worked it out. Chronic illness is tough on both people in a relationship, and I think sometimes people react with negativity because they feel so frightened and helpless in the face of it. We’ve certainly had our issues as well but it’s worth it!!

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  9. Such an important reminder, because it’s often those who are there through thick and thin who aren’t recognised enough. As you noted, they may not say the right things but their hearts are in the right place & they make such a huge contribution to our lives. Great post! x

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  11. Wow. That is a super awesome post. Staying together. And the picture when you see it like.

    I wouldn’t change our journey for anything. Beautiful writing by beautiful you.

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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