3 Qualities That Changed How I Heal

You’d think the hardest part of getting an MS diagnosis would be the crushing fatigue and slushy brain fog that made me feel like a 90 year old who lived on Happy Meals and never exercised. Instead, it was the grueling mental gymnastics of unfair expectations and disappointment in myself. I wasn’t just fighting MS, I was fighting myself.

I was a slave to the push-crash cycle and I couldn’t even see it. On the hard days, I’d feel worthless for not even being able to cook dinner. On the good days, I’d clean the house, weed the garden, bake cookies, cook dinner and exercise like I was still 25. Then, shocker, I’d end up in bed for two weeks.

It was a brutal case of identity whiplash. The grief of not being able to teach anymore, paired with the loss of identity tied to productivity that is so valued in our culture. It sucked. Big time.

I was walking my favourite beach, hosting the world’s worst pity party when the light finally turned on. I was exhausting myself more by trying to remain the same person, by resisting the change my body was begging for. It wasn’t about letting the MS win, it was respecting that my body was trying to tell me something and I needed to listen if I was ever going to feel better.

Three qualities I developed over time that changed the game and got me on the right track were patience, self-compassion and consistency.

Patience

I replaced the moaning, impatient soundtrack of unfairness with a simple sentence: It took a long time to get this sick, it will take time to heal. 

It took many reminders to myself that healing isn’t linear, it’s a spiral that keeps building on previous layers. Slow is not the same as stopped.

The urgency and pressure I was creating for myself in my determination were just more stressors on an already taxed nervous system.

Self-compassion 

Energy is in very short supply when you’re dealing with MS. Beating yourself up burns energy you could be using to heal.

It was when I shifted from inner critic to my own personal cheerleader that real progress began. Talking to myself the way I would to my kids or my best friend created safety in my body so healing could get a foothold.

Self-compassion isn’t lowering the bar, it’s removing unnecessary weight you were never meant to carry.

Consistency 

My five minute rule, which felt ridiculous at first, allowed me to prevent the crash cycle and build up strength through consistency.

Five minutes of exercise, meditation, cleaning the house, whatever. Not pushing myself to burnout, just showing up for myself day after day. Progress over perfection as a daily practice, not a bumper sticker.

Small, boring and repeatable is what actually moves the needle.

Healing is possible 

Over the last decade, I’ve healed more than I ever believed possible. Not by pushing harder, but by changing my relationship with the process.

These are some of the things that helped me over time, that I wish someone had pointed out to me in the early days. If they help just one person get on the road healing a bit faster, sharing them was worth it.

What qualities do you feel are essential for healing?

❤️ Amanda