Tag: healing

MS

How I Stopped Being Mean to Myself (And Why It Healed My Body)

Amanda, walkamyelinmyshoes

I was walking downtown with my family one day, carrying a pretty wooden box I’d found at the thrift store, when my right leg turned into cooked spaghetti and I face-planted on the sidewalk. 

My kids were young, and I guess it looked pretty goofy, or they were embarrassed, because they laughed. So I did too, as I picked myself up, examined the box for damage, and carried on. On the outside, a moment of oops.

In my head, I was Cruella de Vil, ready to skin myself for being so stupid. More concerned about my kids not being scared about their mother wiping out, and the state of the damn box than I was about myself.

That moment, laughing it off while mentally shredding myself, was standard operating procedure. I was really mean to myself. Like the stereotypical mean girl, berating and insulting myself. Like that would snap the MS out of me.

When my body was screaming for a rest, I’d call myself ‘lazy’ and keep pushing through. Then collapse for two weeks.

When I’d drop something, or my leg would pretzel and I’d fall, I’d get angry and call myself ‘stupid’ or ‘useless’.

I finally read something that asked: Would you talk to your best friend that way? Your child? Your pet?

The next time I fell, I tried it. Instead of ‘You stupid idiot,’ I attempted ‘That was graceful.’ Because, you know, humour. It felt ridiculous. Like lying to myself. But I kept trying. And slowly, so slowly, something shifted.

I realized that I deserve the same loving consideration and understanding I give to others. You do too.

Habitual negative thought ➡️ Supportive new thought

  • You’re lazy. ➡️ You deserve to rest.
  • Idiot. ➡️ Careful there, futterbingers. (Butterfingers)                                                                                                          
  • I’m so sick of being sick. ➡️ Healing takes time.
  • I can’t do anything anymore. ➡️ What’s one small thing I can do today?
  • People think I’m faking. ➡️ What other people think is none of my business. 

These are just a few examples. Pay attention to when you’re being hard on yourself, and change any negative criticism to an encouraging positive statement. Your inner critic needs to take a backseat. Preferably in another car going the other direction… or off a cliff. Because here’s what I’ve learned…

When I stopped punishing my adult self and spoke to my 5 year old self instead, my body started feeling safe enough to heal. The alarming symptoms she was sending to get my attention lessened the nicer I was to myself.

That scared, hurting little girl didn’t need a drill sergeant. She needed someone to tell her she was doing her best. That she was brave. That she deserved rest and kindness and patience.

She still does. So do you.

That pretty box? I keep it beside my bed to hold my daily gratitude post-it notes. It’s a little banged up but still functional and beautiful. Sort of like me.

Healing is not a straight line, it’s more like bumper cars. You’ll crash, back up, crash again, but you’re still moving forward. Day by day, with patience and consistency, it adds up and you will see progress.

What’s the nasty thing you catch yourself saying? What’s a simple reframe? Let me know in the comments.

❤️ Amanda

Get Your free MS mindset reset Guide
Be kind to yourself

chronic illness, healing, MS

Finding Hope in MS: 2 Healing Tips

Amanda, walkamyelinmyshoes

Remember that feeling when you first heard ‘MS’? Like someone just handed you a puzzle with no picture, half the pieces missing and said ‘good luck!’

The overwhelm is real. Medication, or not? Can I still work? How do I tell people? Will I end up in a wheelchair? And on and on. The carousel of terror you never signed up for.

 My 23 year diagnostic odyssey ended with a neurologist saying, “Based on your MRI and history, you have MS. Take these (handing me a 10 pound stack of pharmaceutical information) and pick one.” That was the first time I understood the impulse to throat punch someone.

Here’s what I wish someone had whispered in my ear during those early, scary days. “MS isn’t the end of your story, and it’s not your identity.”

Here are 2 simple things that brought me back from the edge. Healing isn’t easy, but it is simple.

2 Game-Changing Tips

Tip #1: Why I Talk to Trees Now

In the early days, when it was hard to even get out of bed, the thought of going outside was as appealing as a quick hike up Mount Everest.

Eventually I dragged my butt out the back door and sat in a chair, staring at the garden. It felt like punishment. At first.

Watching the birds fly overhead, the leaves dance in the breeze and the flowers slowly open their faces to the sun, woke something up in me. Something that became a major ingredient in my healing journey.

The more time I spent outside, the better I felt. Something about just being there started restoring my energy.

Barefoot in the grass or on a beach, sitting under trees. On cold, rainy days, even staring at houseplants.

Sometimes sitting in my car at the beach or a park with the window open.

When all else failed, on ‘bed days’, I’d search “nature meditation“ on YouTube. Tim Janis is a great channel and doesn’t get interrupted by ads.

Trees don’t judge if you cry at them. Trust me, I’ve tested this. Those tree huggers are on to something. I wrap my arms around a tree and whisper my thoughts. Call me crazy, but the tree whispers back. And my nervous system downshifts and relaxes.

Actionable step: Aim for 5 minutes outside daily.

First thing in the morning is best and will improve your sleep. More time is obviously better, but doing it daily is the most important.

Start small so you can achieve it every single day. That’s how you make progress.

Tip #2: The Vertigo Solution I Didn’t Believe Would Work

Stress is the mortal enemy of MS. Living with MS is very stressful. It’s a vicious cycle.

MS stress amplifies everything. Things that wouldn’t have bothered you before, pluck those stress strings and have you vibrating (literally) with unwelcome negative energy.

How do you take back control? You pay attention to a process your body does automatically, adjust it and use it to your advantage.

In my last post, I talked about baby belly breathing. You’re born with the ability to breathe deeply and oxygenate your body properly. As you grow and get exposed to the inevitable stress of being human, you lose that ability.

Early on, I struggled a lot with vertigo and light-headedness. It’s like living in a fun house, minus the fun. When I learned to breathe properly and added specific breathing techniques, the vertigo loosened its hold over time and I stepped out of the fun house.

Actionable step: 4-7-8 breathing

  • One hand on your belly
  • Inhale through your nose for 4 counts, feel your belly expand
  • Hold for 7 counts
  • Exhale through your nose for 8 counts
  • Repeat for 3-5 rounds

Healing is possible

This is just the beginning of your journey. I know you want to feel better right now. Find that well of patience inside, practice consistently and be kind and compassionate with yourself. I promise you will start to see results.

Last week, I was hugging a tree in the park, releasing some difficult emotions. A woman walked by and winked at me. I walked past her a few minutes later, now she was hugging a tree with a huge smile on her face. What once felt a bit silly, now feels like wisdom.

What’s one small thing you’ll try this week? Let me know in the comments.

You’re not alone.

❤️ Amanda

Get Your free MS mindset reset Guide