Tag: goals

life

Christmas: pressures and perspective

Amanda, walkamyelinmyshoes

So, I was ‘voluntold’ yesterday by my youngest that ‘we’ were providing the vegan gingerbread house kit for her and a friend for the class contest on Friday. Ummm… okay? 🤣

I love that she knows I love to bake so assumed I’d be happy to do it. Happier that it doesn’t occur to her that I’m carefully pacing myself at the moment so I can make it through the holidays without the MonSter rearing it’s ugly head too far. One of the perks of an invisible illness when it comes to your kids, at least when you can…

But it’s always smart to remind yourself, chronic illness or not, that it’s not worth pushing beyond your limits. Everyone owes it to themselves to take time for self-care, to take things off their plate when necessary and to ask for help sometimes.

The whole season should be about being cozy and spending low-key personal time with your people. Let go of the consumer, commercial side of it and focus on what matters. You can only do what you can do, and good enough is good enough. Otherwise, you…

The best thing I’ve started doing since I finally got decent running shoes is getting my butt out the door every weekday for a 20 minute walk. Sometimes it’s a few minutes more, but never too much because in the past I would get back into ballet or yoga and go too hard, setting myself back several steps. So now I’m the tortoise not the hare, and I find I look forward to my walk each day and it sets me up well for the day ahead. There are days when 20 minutes doesn’t get me too far…

But I’ve only missed one day, when the wind was too much for my sensory issues, and then the last couple of days when I needed to brave the crowds to finish the Christmas shopping. Now I will get out there every day if possible because I know it’s the single best thing I can do to make it through our busiest Christmas season ever, and enjoy it.

Finally, chronic illness or not…

Depending on how things go, I may post one more time about the vegan gingerbread house. If it’s a total fail, maybe not, so…

Wishing you all a restful, joyous holiday and a healthy, peaceful New Year.

❤️ Amanda

chronic illness, life, mental health

Milestones and Reflections

Amanda, walkamyelinmyshoes

At the beginning of June, I celebrated the first year of my blog. It was a huge step for uber-private me last year but the response once I finally faced my fear and hit publish was unreal. I can’t believe I have over 500 followers. More importantly, I can’t believe the support I’ve received and the friends I’ve made in this wonderful community. I’m so grateful. Thank you all. 💕

On this day four years ago, I received my MS diagnosis in the morning before going back to school for the last afternoon with my class. I didn’t know it would be the last afternoon I would spend as a teacher at the time.

It’s been an interesting journey, to say the least. The physical symptoms, especially the fatigue, stopped me teaching but the mental gymnastics associated with being chronically ill really stopped me in my tracks.

Fear, grief, anxiety, depression, guilt. Oh, the guilt! Learning to say ‘I can’t’ – especially to my children, forcing myself to stop when I ‘should’ get a little more done, unable to enjoy the good days because I ‘should’ be working.

I’ve learned to mostly maintain perspective when the anxiety and depression hit because I know it’s temporary, no matter how black. The fear hits pretty strongly when my body does it’s weird party tricks. (numbness, tingling, burning, buzzing, dizziness, tinnitus, spasms, trembling, pain and the fatigue that courses through my veins. #msawareness)

But life is scary for everybody in one way or another. Perspective.

The guilt has been the nastiest of the negatives. It comes up over and over and I’ve struggled to gain the same perspective, especially on the good days. I’d love so much to be back in the classroom that when the uglies lessen a bit, I forget how bad they are and feel I should at least try to go back to work. When they inevitably reappear, I remember why I can’t do the job I love so much.

Four years on, I’m done with the guilt on my good days. I won’t compromise the health I’ve regained since I stopped working by forcing myself to go back to work. And I won’t waste the bonus time I do get feeling guilty anymore, dammit! So there, MS. 🤗 From now on, I’m doing ‘jazz hands’ any time the guilt creeps in – haha!

This day marks a milestone for each of our younger children as well. After knocking our socks off at her Variety Show on Monday singing ‘Defying Gravity’ – (check out my instagram or facebook for the video), our youngest is finishing her last day at elementary school. It’s truly the end of an era, as we started there an unbelievable 15 years ago when our eldest was in kindergarten.

Our son is finishing his last day of high school, heading across the country to study Economics at Western University in September. Needless to say, we are incredibly proud of his achievements so far and excited for him, but there will be a big hole that will take getting used to. It’s all as it should be and we can’t wait to see where he goes with his life. This kid is motivated!

Finally, our eldest got her first car so now we have our own taxi 😉 she’s embarking on a whole new level of independence and financial responsibility. We have no doubt she’ll manage her shiny new car with her usual attention and responsibility, and have lots of great adventures in the years to come.

❤️ Amanda

Health, life, writing

Happy New (school) Year!

Amanda, walkamyelinmyshoes

Back to school. Three words that can cause dread or excitement, depending on the person.

For some students, school is a happy place filled with friends, new experiences and the wonder of learning. For others, it’s an institution with rules to make them toe the line, to think and behave in a way that is unnatural to either the way they were born, the way they were raised, or both. Not to mention the social aspect that can be a major stumbling block for so many.

For some parents, the return to school is a welcome relief from either bored, whiny (not in our house, thank you) kids or from toting them to (not to mention paying for) various summer camps while they still have to work their full-time job. For others, back to school means unwelcome early mornings, too many forms and payments, stressed-out kids and the end of freedom from an overbooked schedule.

It’s not surprising that as a child, I loved going back to school since I eventually became a teacher. Having spent the majority of my life adhering to the school calendar, I always find September to be a reflective time, a time of new beginnings and renewal, hope and expectations for new goals set.

For me, it is a much more effective time to consider where I want to be a year from now, than the over-marketed dead-of-winter celebration of New Years Eve that most people I know don’t celebrate anymore. There is something about the cooling of the air after the heat of summer, new stationery (yes I’m geek 🤓), and even a few new duds (so not a shopper) that make me ready to set some manageable goals for the year/season ahead.

Everyone knows that the trick to succeeding at your goals is to not pick too many. There are a million things I could do to improve myself and my life, even though it’s already pretty fantastic. Like I said in my last post, pacing yourself is super important when you have a chronic illness. I also believe strongly in the KISS (keep it simple stupid) principle in all aspects of my life, especially because of brain fog. It’s all about priorities.

So, my simple and hopefully reachable goals for the next four months. Oh yeah, I like to do it short term because so much can change over a year and also – Christmas! 🎄☃️🎅🏻 I always start thinking about Christmas in September, because I’m a bit of a Christmas freak and I love to make crafts as gifts, much to the chagrin of my extended family. 🤣🤣🤣

Health – Being as active as possible.

1) Work my way up to 6 sun salutations at least 5 days a week. Currently, I’m at four several times a week but consistency is my problem.

2) Get my ass back to ballet class. I have to stick with the beginner class this time though. Last time, I went with the level of my (ancient) training, thinking that I would pace myself. Ha! I went too hard and burned out in a few months.

Work – Embrace my new career as a writer. I had to resist putting those two words in quotations. Getting there.

1) Write 5000 words a week until I finish this first draft, which I hope to have done long before Christmas. When I put it away to percolate for a while, I may haul out my first ‘accidental manuscript‘ and see if I can sort out the structure, now that I understand it a bit better. I’m hoping to get a lot of work done at the writing retreat I’m going to in 10 days – very excited about that! Also, sign up for NaNoWriMo in November.

2) Continue posting here, connecting with people and learning more about writing and the chronic and invisible illness community. I’m coming up on my 3 month anniversary of my first post, which is hard to believe. Best thing I’ve done in the last three years!

Personal – Pacing myself and connecting with others.

1) Continue to stay connected closely with my husband and children, regardless of how focussed we all may become on our individual projects. This goes for my extended family and friends too. I’m not great at in staying in touch with my outer circle on a regular basis but I have a wonderful, understanding support network that understands that, for which I am forever grateful.

2) Continue to reflect daily on everyone and everything I have to be thankful for. This is an easy one! 😊

So there we go, I’ve put my goals out there for all to see. If someone had told me I would be sharing myself publicly like this a year ago, I would have scoffed. They say it’s the best way to make yourself accountable, though. I’ll keep you posted!

What about you? What are your hopes, dreams, goals for the back to school new year?

Red roses against a blue sky

Thanks for stopping by! Have a wonderful week!

❤️ Amanda