It has been far too long since I’ve published anything but this article is important enough to share. If you allow your fear to spiral out of control, that lowers your immunity and makes you more susceptible to getting sick.
Stay informed, but focus on connection and gratitude. Turn off the screens and get outside. Wash your hands, and stay home unless it’s essential to go out. Stay safe and healthy out there!
❤️ Amanda
So, I was ‘voluntold’ yesterday by my youngest that ‘we’ were providing the vegan gingerbread house kit for her and a friend for the class contest on Friday. Ummm… okay? 🤣
I love that she knows I love to bake so assumed I’d be happy to do it. Happier that it doesn’t occur to her that I’m carefully pacing myself at the moment so I can make it through the holidays without the MonSter rearing it’s ugly head too far. One of the perks of an invisible illness when it comes to your kids, at least when you can…
But it’s always smart to remind yourself, chronic illness or not, that it’s not worth pushing beyond your limits. Everyone owes it to themselves to take time for self-care, to take things off their plate when necessary and to ask for help sometimes.
The whole season should be about being cozy and spending low-key personal time with your people. Let go of the consumer, commercial side of it and focus on what matters. You can only do what you can do, and good enough is good enough. Otherwise, you…
The best thing I’ve started doing since I finally got decent running shoes is getting my butt out the door every weekday for a 20 minute walk. Sometimes it’s a few minutes more, but never too much because in the past I would get back into ballet or yoga and go too hard, setting myself back several steps. So now I’m the tortoise not the hare, and I find I look forward to my walk each day and it sets me up well for the day ahead. There are days when 20 minutes doesn’t get me too far…
But I’ve only missed one day, when the wind was too much for my sensory issues, and then the last couple of days when I needed to brave the crowds to finish the Christmas shopping. Now I will get out there every day if possible because I know it’s the single best thing I can do to make it through our busiest Christmas season ever, and enjoy it.
Finally, chronic illness or not…
Depending on how things go, I may post one more time about the vegan gingerbread house. If it’s a total fail, maybe not, so…
Wishing you all a restful, joyous holiday and a healthy, peaceful New Year.
❤️ Amanda
Huge stakes pierce my heels
Burning red hot fire
Millions of minuscule knives
Flay the insides of my feet
A giant vegetable peeler slices off
The bottoms
*
I’m sorry to those I squashed
Those I looked down upon
From any temporary high ground
I believed I held
I am your voodoo doll
And you will have your revenge
Over and over
*
The burning piercing spreads
To hands, up legs, then forearms
Who needs to work on abs
When they stay contracted constantly
Holding in the moans
And the nausea from the pain?
*
I’m sorry to those I squashed
Those I looked down upon
From any temporary high ground
I believed I held
I am your voodoo doll
And you will have your revenge
Over and over
I don’t really believe that my chronic illness is a matter of revenge, but it’s an easy trap to fall into when I’m trying to pretend all is well but the pain is overwhelming. I think of myself as a kind person but I know in my past immature, insecure life I wasn’t always the best person I could be. However, we can only go forward and try to do better.
Kindness is the answer.
❤️ Amanda
Oscar coughed and shifted in his recliner. Felix checked his watch then stared out the window, dying to open it and let air into the dark room. Silence the whole two hours he’d been there. He hoped that by remaining where he was, he might do some good, even there.
(50 words)
I haven’t done one of these for a while but I’ve missed them. It’s a great writing warm-up to pare down my writing before I get some words in for Camp NaNoWriMo. I failed at Camp in April because I was M.I.A.: Lost in the Garden so I’ve lowered my word count goal in the hopes of getting my writing moving again.
So far so good, but fingers crossed…
❤️ Amanda
Kristian from Tales from the Mind of Kristian is hosting this week.
The Rules:
• Find the muse within the photo or line provided and follow where it leads. It can be a story, anecdote, poem. Anything!
• The Story must be between 50 and 250 words, in 50 word increments. (so 50, 100, 150, 200 or 250 words)
• Link back to this post with the tag 50WordThurs so that everyone can find it, or post your response in the comments on his site.
• HAVE FUN!
I had a really wonderful then upsetting experience yesterday. I was in the ‘accessible’ lineup at the grocery store – simply because it was the shortest line, I’m still totally mobile. I left my cart to get another item and when I came back the cashier had put up her ‘closed’ sign but said I was fine because I was there before she closed.
As she was checking me through, very attentively asking me about the weight of the bags, saying how she was always careful because you never knew if someone had had shoulder surgery or something and how would you know?
Wonderful awareness for invisible illness, which is rare, but in the meantime, an older (72-ish) gentleman in a motorized wheelchair was waiting at the end of the belt trying to get her attention. When I signaled her, he asked if she was closed for a single bag of chips. She explained that she had no choice, she had to close and not take any more customers.
The man was understandably shocked that as a visibly disabled person she couldn’t bend the rules to make his day just a tad easier. To be fair, she was a lovely young woman who was following the rules – too young to really understand the implications of rigid rule-following.
I offered to check the chips through on my account, had her scan them and passed them back to the man. He insisted that I take the money from his bag and seemed a bit offended when I offered to pay. Finally I begged him to let this be the nice thing I did for the day and he laughed and let it go.
Then he got stuck. In the accessible aisle.
I offered to maneuver the chair but he said it was too heavy. It just took time for him to figure it out with his fisted hand that he could hardly control as he was wedged between the two counters.
He looked up at me and said, “This is just what it is to have MS.”
After a gulp, I responded, “I have MS too. I’m not where you are but I get it.”
He looked at me with tears in his eyes, went back to un-wedging himself and when he was free said, “Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.”
A wonderful exchange. Simple human caring and courtesy.
As I finished checking out, I saw that the same gentleman was slowly making his way out of the grocery store. A woman about my age was behind him with her cart, maintaining a respectful distance as he tried to make his body makes its way out of the store.
Just as he was almost through, a man with a single item, again about my age (ie.not a teenager or early twenties, ie. SHOULD KNOW BETTER) came up behind and yelled, ‘BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!’
WTF? Are you kidding me??
The asshole is lucky I couldn’t catch up with him or he’d be needing an ice pack.
Walk a Myelin* My Shoes 