I don’t really believe that my chronic illness is a matter of revenge, but it’s an easy trap to fall into when I’m trying to pretend all is well but the pain is overwhelming. I think of myself as a kind person but I know in my past immature, insecure life I wasn’t always the best person I could be. However, we can only go forward and try to do better.
I’m writing this as I’m experiencing a common MS symptom, known as the ‘MS hug”. I’ve always been a hugger but this is not the kind of hug anybody wants to experience. When people refer to multiple sclerosis as a MonSter, it’s for good reason. It sneaks up and attacks when you’re at your weakest.
I’ve been fighting the cold from hell, downgraded from the flu thanks to the infrared sauna. I’ve also been living through a bathroom renovation which has been more stressful than I anticipated. Yeah, I’m a dumb ass. No actually, it would have been less stressful if I had managed the job myself. Okay, yes I’m a control freak and a perfectionist. But if you want something done right, you might as well do it yourself.
So – stress. The worst enemy of anybody with a chronic illness. Hence, the MS hug and an increase of all the other symptoms that make me feel like Beetlejuice in that electrified way, minus the energy.
Skittering across the ever-changing surface of the ocean
Blue jays in the pine trees
Flitting about, a never-ending hunt
All the lives under the surface
Their mysterious ways of surviving
Nature is thriving, not just surviving
Despite our best efforts
And it doesn’t, to our knowledge, have the capacity to experience joy
That bubbly lightness that expands your rib cage
That makes you repeat, over and over – wow!
There is no word strong enough,
That adequately describes that feeling
That appreciation for being alive,
For our many blessings,
Despite, or because of, our challenges
Those moments can be fleeting and far between
But what magic to experience them at all
It’s never enough,
No matter how much we try to appreciate each amazing moment
In this miraculous life
But it’s all we can do
And aren’t we lucky?
For the right price, I might reveal our secret escape. 😏
Seriously though, the chance to go away for three nights with no distractions and such an inspiring view is why we return as often as we can. We originally came on our honeymoon, but at that point we could only afford one night and spent the rest of our honeymoon in a cabin beside a clearcut. 😳
We are so grateful for every minute we get to spend here. We were more reflective because we were celebrating my husband’s 50th birthday (SAY WHAAAAAT???) and we have a long history to celebrate. We appreciate every single moment.